Sunday, 8 July 2012
Isamaya's Grandad is in Hospital having suffered a heart attack. She texts Mike to ask him if Grandad is OK.
She arrives home to an email response.
Subject: Getting out tomorrow??
Had a bizarre evening with granddad last night. The Seascale drama was in full swing and there were four guys in the short term intensive care unit including granddad. Each of them was wired with about seven wires and had tubes hanging out of their arms. Wires led to junction boxes and then to monitors, with echoes at the desk. Except granddad, who had the luxury of the only wireless system in the ward, but still all the connections.
She arrives home to an email response.
Subject: Getting out tomorrow??
Had a bizarre evening with granddad last night. The Seascale drama was in full swing and there were four guys in the short term intensive care unit including granddad. Each of them was wired with about seven wires and had tubes hanging out of their arms. Wires led to junction boxes and then to monitors, with echoes at the desk. Except granddad, who had the luxury of the only wireless system in the ward, but still all the connections.
I had my phone on (tut, tut) waiting for a number which Cathy wanted me to relay, and an incoming text makes two shrill descending double bleeps on my phone. For some reason I'm receiving double texts at present, the second copy arriving 5 or 6 seconds after the first. Each time one of these chaps moved a wire seemed to come off setting off a loud harsh alarm at 2 second intervals in addition to the various bleeps and chirps which were coming out of the monitors. Granddad is deaf and was intermittently putting on and removing the amplified headphones I had taken for him (he refuses to use his hearing aid in case he loses it - ever!). At one point three alarms were going off, with a loud conversation going on across the ward with inevitable mis-understandings and corrections. The nurses were on 'hand over' so they were too busy transferring notes to come and reconnect.
In the middle of this cacophony I started to receive double texts from various members of the family and friends both related to granddad and also to the Seascale drama, just as I was switching granddads tv/phone assy. on (under his instruction) and it immediately started to ring with Tim on the end. As each text text :) was doubled, the first alerted those of sound hearing, the second confirming whose pocket it was coming from. No sooner had granddad started his noisy conversation with Tim, than the nurse came in shouting "Roy, Roy, there's a call from you daughter at the desk." I was quite glad to get out!
You'll be pleased to hear that he has responded to a change of drugs, his pulse and blood pressure have both come down significantly (despite the audio-tronics!!). I've just heard they've given him an anti-biotic for a possible chest infection, but with a fair wind he may be going home tomorrow; he's gearing up for his 90th birthday next week.
xxx
Isamaya has borrowed a sewing machine from Angela. After returning it, she arrives home to receive an angry phone call from Mike claiming all the parts were missing.
After a lengthy dispute about the whereabouts of these parts, Isamaya ends the conversation in frustration. Four hours later, Isamaya receives an email from Mike.
Good news :) There was another tool holder, so we've found the brush, tweezers and allen keys. I think it's just the foam pad and short philips head screwdriver for the needle clamp missing now.
After a lengthy dispute about the whereabouts of these parts, Isamaya ends the conversation in frustration. Four hours later, Isamaya receives an email from Mike.
Good news :) There was another tool holder, so we've found the brush, tweezers and allen keys. I think it's just the foam pad and short philips head screwdriver for the needle clamp missing now.
xxxx
Isamaya is on her way to a family wedding in London. She has arranged to meet Mike and Angela there. They are coming from Cambridge. Mike calls her in a panic.
Isamaya: Hello?
Mike: Wiz, where are you?
Isamaya: On my way to the wedding.
Mike: Wiz, we are having horrendous problems. We broke down on the M11 which had severe delays - pretty much backlogged traffic, total chaos, and we have had to come back to Cambridge and are now at the station waiting for the train-
Isamaya: Okay.
Mike: I'm absolutely desperate here, Rhoda is struggling because she is so fat, so I have had to put her in my rucksack, I've got Mum on the other side battling with our suitcases, we are desperately trying to get onto the platform!!
Isamaya: Okay, what do you want me to do?
Mike: Have you spoken to Aethan?
Isamaya: No?
Mike: He's got his phone switched off - I think it's so that we can't call him.
Isamaya: He probably just has no signal.
Mike: Do you know when he's going back to Birmingham?
Isamaya: No?
Mike: Well has he told you anything?
Isamaya: No, sorry - look I don't know what you want me to do.. shall I call him?
Mike: (sounds annoyed) No don't bother.
Isamaya: Look sorry Dad, I don't know what I can do to help you.. I'm in London.
Mike: Oh. Well thanks very much Wiz. I suppose we will be seeing you later then.
Isamaya: Ok? Bye then.
Mike: Bye.
Isamaya: Hello?
Mike: Wiz, where are you?
Isamaya: On my way to the wedding.
Mike: Wiz, we are having horrendous problems. We broke down on the M11 which had severe delays - pretty much backlogged traffic, total chaos, and we have had to come back to Cambridge and are now at the station waiting for the train-
Isamaya: Okay.
Mike: I'm absolutely desperate here, Rhoda is struggling because she is so fat, so I have had to put her in my rucksack, I've got Mum on the other side battling with our suitcases, we are desperately trying to get onto the platform!!
Isamaya: Okay, what do you want me to do?
Mike: Have you spoken to Aethan?
Isamaya: No?
Mike: He's got his phone switched off - I think it's so that we can't call him.
Isamaya: He probably just has no signal.
Mike: Do you know when he's going back to Birmingham?
Isamaya: No?
Mike: Well has he told you anything?
Isamaya: No, sorry - look I don't know what you want me to do.. shall I call him?
Mike: (sounds annoyed) No don't bother.
Isamaya: Look sorry Dad, I don't know what I can do to help you.. I'm in London.
Mike: Oh. Well thanks very much Wiz. I suppose we will be seeing you later then.
Isamaya: Ok? Bye then.
Mike: Bye.
Subject: National Insurance Number
From Isamaya:
Hi Dad, Im just in a meeting so I really cant talk. Please please could you email me my national insurance number so I can sign this form. thanks! X
From Mike:
I'm a little sad that you felt too intimidated to talk to me, just had the number ready to give you. Do you need the one starting 20? Better call me; the other one has five digits: the first is the number of k's house followed by the number of children AE has had followed by the number of children k has had three times :-)
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Isamaya is walking to work and her phone rings. It's Mike.
Mike: Hi.
Isamaya: Hi Dad. You Ok?
Mike: Good, Yes. You?
Isamaya: Fine tha-
Mike: Feeling pretty pumped now.
Isamaya: Yeh?
Mike: Just finished my training.
Isamaya: Your training?
Mike: Oh didn't you know?
Isamaya: ...?
Mike: Yes, I do my 5BX daily.
Isamaya: Whats your '5BX'?
Mike: Oh? Sorry? it's the Royal Canadian Air-force Training plan. Maybe I should send you a link. You wont need any equipment.
Mike: Hi.
Isamaya: Hi Dad. You Ok?
Mike: Good, Yes. You?
Isamaya: Fine tha-
Mike: Feeling pretty pumped now.
Isamaya: Yeh?
Mike: Just finished my training.
Isamaya: Your training?
Mike: Oh didn't you know?
Isamaya: ...?
Mike: Yes, I do my 5BX daily.
Isamaya: Whats your '5BX'?
Mike: Oh? Sorry? it's the Royal Canadian Air-force Training plan. Maybe I should send you a link. You wont need any equipment.
Isamaya comes home to find Mike on the floor of the livingroom, elbows bent, in a plank position. He is wedged between the sofa, the coffee table and the dogs basket. BBC Radio 4 is blasting 'Womans Hour' out of the DAB and the television is on.
Isamaya: What are you doing?
Mike: Minding my own business, what are you doing?
Isamaya: What are you doing?
Mike: Minding my own business, what are you doing?
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Everyone is gathered in Kerstyns kitchen. She has just made 4 cups of tea. Mike comes in and spies the drinks.
Mike: Ahh is this one for me?
He leaves the room and Will, Isamaya's boyfriend enters the kitchen. He goes over and takes one of the four cups.
Mike comes back in and walks over to the 3 cups.
Mike: Where's my tea?
He peers round at Will who is sipping the tea.
Mike: Ah. I see you've taken it. Just as I expected.
Will: So sorry Mike, didn't realise it was yours. There are 3 more teas over there.
Mike: Yes Will - but none of those are mine.
Later everyone is out at a bar. Will has just bought a beer for himself and sits down next to Isamaya.
Without hesitation, Mike leans over, stares at Will deadpan and downs Wills pint.
Mike: Ahh is this one for me?
He leaves the room and Will, Isamaya's boyfriend enters the kitchen. He goes over and takes one of the four cups.
Mike comes back in and walks over to the 3 cups.
Mike: Where's my tea?
He peers round at Will who is sipping the tea.
Mike: Ah. I see you've taken it. Just as I expected.
Will: So sorry Mike, didn't realise it was yours. There are 3 more teas over there.
Mike: Yes Will - but none of those are mine.
Later everyone is out at a bar. Will has just bought a beer for himself and sits down next to Isamaya.
Without hesitation, Mike leans over, stares at Will deadpan and downs Wills pint.
Isamaya is on holiday. She receives an urgent email from Mike.
Subject: Strange Strings
''Can u identify some nylon strings in a card in the bathroom? They are each about a foot long and have nylon fishing line at each end with a central fluffy bit about as thick as a matchstick, but very soft. Were they for cleaning with a brace or something similar? There's no name on them.''
Subject: Strange Strings
''Can u identify some nylon strings in a card in the bathroom? They are each about a foot long and have nylon fishing line at each end with a central fluffy bit about as thick as a matchstick, but very soft. Were they for cleaning with a brace or something similar? There's no name on them.''
Isamaya receives an email from Mike.
Mike:
There's a few interesting ones here.
http://www.well.com/~mick/inso
A major part of falling asleep seems to about switching off the internal chatter, at least about things including work that are bothering you. Have a look at Quiet Ears - I might try that myself sometime. The warm milk thing is interesting. In the past the use of milk based bedtime drinks for this purpose was very normal - horlicks, ovaltine etc.
xxx
Mike:
There's a few interesting ones here.
http://www.well.com/~mick/inso
A major part of falling asleep seems to about switching off the internal chatter, at least about things including work that are bothering you. Have a look at Quiet Ears - I might try that myself sometime. The warm milk thing is interesting. In the past the use of milk based bedtime drinks for this purpose was very normal - horlicks, ovaltine etc.
xxx
Friday, 17 December 2010
Isamaya comes online to see mike is logged on.
11:50 Isamaya: u ok dad?
was gonna call you yesterday
Mike: mostly
11:51 Isamaya: thats not 100 percent
so thats not good
whats up
Mike: I'm smiling..
Isamaya: good
We've got mice..
11:52 Mike
got a broken tooth - but it's sealed, so not so bad
11:53 Jame's friend Claire is coming climbing with us
Isamaya: cool
11:54 i haven't been a few weeks cos of my knee
Mike: don't tell me!!What have you done?
Isamaya: um...
11:55 had a bit of an issue with a van last week
11:56 Mike
Isamaya: no
its fine
just got slammed and landed on my kneecap and elbow
11:57 luckily, it was such a bloody cold day
i couldt walk so i just got back on my bike
and started riding
and it brought down the swelling
and its ok now
twinges
a bit
11:58 Mike
Isamaya: no but this was cos of the accident
Mike: up stairs is worst
11:59 Isamaya: yeh
Isamaya is in the kitchen trying to make some lunch. She is looking around in the cupboard with canned items and pasta etc.
Mike walks in and leans against the door frame observing her.
Mike: Lost something?
Isamaya: No, just looking for something for lunch.
Mike: Well, can you stop scrabbling around, because I had organised all of that.
Isamaya: ?
Isamaya: Have you come in here to watch me?
Mike: Oh don't be so ridiculous.
Isamaya: Then what are you doing hovering around like that?
Mike: Minding my own business, what are you doing?
Isamaya: Look, can I throw this can of popcorn away because its out of date.
Mike: No, and what do you deem as out of date?
Isamaya: Its best before date was 3 years before I was born?
Mike: And?
Isamaya: It went out of date in 1985 Dad.
Mike: The Titanic sank in 1912 but they found cans on the ship a few years ago and the food was still edible.
Mike: Are there any signs of contamination.
Isamaya: No, but its covered in dust and the can is going rusty.
Isamaya: I'm throwing it away.
Mike: You have no right throwing away my things.
Isamaya: Are you serious?! look, can you just stop sanding there, watching over me please!
Mike: Just mind your own business Isamaya, I'm waiting for you to move so I can make some popcorn.
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
|
Isamaya receives an email from Mike entitled 'Brain Exercises'
Brain exercises
''Memory, like muscular strength, is a “use it or lose it” proposition. The more you work out your brain, the better you’ll be able to process and remember information.
Novelty and sensory stimulation are the foundation of brain exercise. If you break your routine in a challenging way, you’re using brain pathways you weren’t using before. This can involve something as simple as brushing your teeth with your nondominant hand, which activates little-used connections on the nondominant side of your brain. Or try a “neurobic” exercise – an aerobic exercise for your brain – (seeKeep Your Brain Alive Exercise) that forces you to use your faculties in unusual ways, like showering and getting dressed with your eyes closed. Take a course in a subject you don’t know much about, learn a new game of strategy, or cook up some recipes in an unfamiliar cuisine. That’s the most effective way to keep your synapses firing.''
Novelty and sensory stimulation are the foundation of brain exercise. If you break your routine in a challenging way, you’re using brain pathways you weren’t using before. This can involve something as simple as brushing your teeth with your nondominant hand, which activates little-used connections on the nondominant side of your brain. Or try a “neurobic” exercise – an aerobic exercise for your brain – (seeKeep Your Brain Alive Exercise) that forces you to use your faculties in unusual ways, like showering and getting dressed with your eyes closed. Take a course in a subject you don’t know much about, learn a new game of strategy, or cook up some recipes in an unfamiliar cuisine. That’s the most effective way to keep your synapses firing.''
Mike: That was just an excerpt. I expect you to follow the link.
Isamaya receives an email from Mike, entitled 'Serious Stuff'.
The email goes on to read:
On 25 November 2010 23:57, Mike wrote:
http://www.equipped.com/FM3-
Dad
x
The email goes on to read:
On 25 November 2010 23:57, Mike wrote:
New updated COLOUR version here:
Dad
x
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
It is Kerstyns birthday. Everyone is throwing her a surprise party at the All Star Bowling Lanes.
In order for the surprise to work, everyone has to be at the Lanes at 2.50pm so when she arrives at 3pm, they can all shout happy birthday.
It is 2:55 and Mike arrives at Kerstyns house an hour late.
Everyone has their Jackets on and is ready to leave for bowling.
Ian comes into the kitchen to find find Mike squatting on a child's stool next to the oven, grilling bread.
Ian: We need to go
Mike: I'm just having my breakfast.
Ian: It's almost 3pm
Mike: Yes, breakfastime.
In order for the surprise to work, everyone has to be at the Lanes at 2.50pm so when she arrives at 3pm, they can all shout happy birthday.
It is 2:55 and Mike arrives at Kerstyns house an hour late.
Everyone has their Jackets on and is ready to leave for bowling.
Ian comes into the kitchen to find find Mike squatting on a child's stool next to the oven, grilling bread.
Ian: We need to go
Mike: I'm just having my breakfast.
Ian: It's almost 3pm
Mike: Yes, breakfastime.
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
Isamaya receives an email from Mike with a link,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DntSjpgRPo&feature=player_embedded
Mike: I expect you are already aware of these codes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DntSjpgRPo&feature=player_embedded
Mike: I expect you are already aware of these codes.
After having a long telephone conversation with Mike about his and Angela's weekend, Isamaya decides it is time to hang up.
Isamaya: Well, sounds like you've had fun, I better go, as I'm still waiting to get on the tube and there really isn't any signal down there.
Mike: Always an excuse.
Isamaya: Probably. OK, see you later.
Mike: Oh one more thing
Isamaya: Yes?
Mike: (pauses) What was it?
Isamaya: What?
Mike: Oh I'm trying to remember now, hang on.. let me just try and remember.
Isamaya: I have to go, sorry.
Mike: Hang on, It'll come to me
Isamaya: Bye.
Mike: ...
Isamaya puts the phone down and gets on the tube.
When she arrives at home 2 hours later, her phone starts ringing. It is Mike.
Isamaya: Hello?
Mike: We drove through Arundel.
Isamaya: What?
Mike: We drove through Arundel.
Isamaya: (whispering) Is this code?
Mike: No it's what I was trying to remember.
Isamaya puts the phone down.
Isamaya: Well, sounds like you've had fun, I better go, as I'm still waiting to get on the tube and there really isn't any signal down there.
Mike: Always an excuse.
Isamaya: Probably. OK, see you later.
Mike: Oh one more thing
Isamaya: Yes?
Mike: (pauses) What was it?
Isamaya: What?
Mike: Oh I'm trying to remember now, hang on.. let me just try and remember.
Isamaya: I have to go, sorry.
Mike: Hang on, It'll come to me
Isamaya: Bye.
Mike: ...
Isamaya puts the phone down and gets on the tube.
When she arrives at home 2 hours later, her phone starts ringing. It is Mike.
Isamaya: Hello?
Mike: We drove through Arundel.
Isamaya: What?
Mike: We drove through Arundel.
Isamaya: (whispering) Is this code?
Mike: No it's what I was trying to remember.
Isamaya puts the phone down.
Saturday, 3 April 2010
Isamaya is standing in the kitchen pouring some tea.
Mike runs in, a light sweat on his forehead.
Mike: You don't know where this has come from do you?
Isamaya: What is it?
Mike holds up a screw
Isamaya: No
Mike: No. Neither do I. I've been looking at it all day, there is something strange about it.
Aaahh.. Its got a reverse screw thread.
Mike runs in, a light sweat on his forehead.
Mike: You don't know where this has come from do you?
Isamaya: What is it?
Mike holds up a screw
Isamaya: No
Mike: No. Neither do I. I've been looking at it all day, there is something strange about it.
Aaahh.. Its got a reverse screw thread.
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Isamaya and Mike are on the phone talking about finance. They have been talking for 20 minutes
Mike: .. So you need to make sure the ball's in your court. You need to find out if you are getting the deposit back and if someone can confirm this.
Isamaya: Yeh ok. Just to warn you, my phone is beeping from low battery, so it might cut out any second..
Mike: Isamaya! There's Always an excuse!
Isamaya: Sorry?
Mike: When we talk about finance.
Isamaya: Dad? my phones about to turn off, i'm just warning you.
Mike: No- There's always something
Isamaya: Well this time it's the battery.
Mike: This is a serious conversation Isamaya. We need to talk about this.
Isamaya: Well, we can't if my phone dies. I can't help it if it goes dead.
Mike: Isamaya! Always an explanation.
Isamaya: You are just wasting battery time with this argument.
Mike: I'm not ARGUING with you!
Isamaya: 3 seconds
Mike: Stop being ridiculous
Isamaya: 2 seconds
Mike: Oh for gods sake
Isamaya: 1 second.
Mike: Isa-
Beeeeeeeeeeep.
Mike: .. So you need to make sure the ball's in your court. You need to find out if you are getting the deposit back and if someone can confirm this.
Isamaya: Yeh ok. Just to warn you, my phone is beeping from low battery, so it might cut out any second..
Mike: Isamaya! There's Always an excuse!
Isamaya: Sorry?
Mike: When we talk about finance.
Isamaya: Dad? my phones about to turn off, i'm just warning you.
Mike: No- There's always something
Isamaya: Well this time it's the battery.
Mike: This is a serious conversation Isamaya. We need to talk about this.
Isamaya: Well, we can't if my phone dies. I can't help it if it goes dead.
Mike: Isamaya! Always an explanation.
Isamaya: You are just wasting battery time with this argument.
Mike: I'm not ARGUING with you!
Isamaya: 3 seconds
Mike: Stop being ridiculous
Isamaya: 2 seconds
Mike: Oh for gods sake
Isamaya: 1 second.
Mike: Isa-
Beeeeeeeeeeep.
Monday, 1 June 2009
It's Isamaya's 9th birthday.
She has just opened some presents from her mum. A pair of pyjamas, a Jacqueline Wilson book and a new hairbrush.
She walks into the living room to find Mike desperately scrabbling around.
Mike: Get out! I'm wrapping your present.
Isamaya walks back into the kitchen.
Mike comes in beaming and hands her a box.
He nods knowingly.
Mike: Just say 'thank you dad'
Isamaya opens the present. It's a digital multimeter.
She has just opened some presents from her mum. A pair of pyjamas, a Jacqueline Wilson book and a new hairbrush.
She walks into the living room to find Mike desperately scrabbling around.
Mike: Get out! I'm wrapping your present.
Isamaya walks back into the kitchen.
Mike comes in beaming and hands her a box.
He nods knowingly.
Mike: Just say 'thank you dad'
Isamaya opens the present. It's a digital multimeter.
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Isamaya, Angela and Mike are having dinner with some neighbours.
After much procrastination, they all sit down to eat.
Mike: Oh bugger. I didn't bring over the mustard.
Isabel: Don't worry Mike. We don't need the mustard.
Mike: Of course we do! We're eating sausage.
Isabel: I've got mustard- would you like some of that?
Mike: No? I spent ages making a fresh batch last night. It's really good stuff.
Isabel: Fresh mustard! wow. well you must get it then.
Mike goes across the road to fetch the mustard. When he comes back, he plunks it down on the table.
Isabel: Such a yellow colour. How did you make it? Did you buy the mustard seeds.
Mike: No it's Colemans mustard powder. You just add water.
After much procrastination, they all sit down to eat.
Mike: Oh bugger. I didn't bring over the mustard.
Isabel: Don't worry Mike. We don't need the mustard.
Mike: Of course we do! We're eating sausage.
Isabel: I've got mustard- would you like some of that?
Mike: No? I spent ages making a fresh batch last night. It's really good stuff.
Isabel: Fresh mustard! wow. well you must get it then.
Mike goes across the road to fetch the mustard. When he comes back, he plunks it down on the table.
Isabel: Such a yellow colour. How did you make it? Did you buy the mustard seeds.
Mike: No it's Colemans mustard powder. You just add water.
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Mike and Isamaya are talking about the ski holiday they are about to embark on.
Isamaya: I'd really like to try cross country skiing this year.
Mike: You mean Langlauf.
Isamaya: Er. No I mean cross country skiing.
Mike: Yes but it's called Langlauf.
Isamaya: In what country.
Mike: In all countries.
Isamaya: Sooo... Whats downhill skiing called?
Mike: Skiing.
Isamaya: So why don't you call Cross country, Cross country?
Mike: I'm sorry, don't know what that word means.
Isamaya: I'd really like to try cross country skiing this year.
Mike: You mean Langlauf.
Isamaya: Er. No I mean cross country skiing.
Mike: Yes but it's called Langlauf.
Isamaya: In what country.
Mike: In all countries.
Isamaya: Sooo... Whats downhill skiing called?
Mike: Skiing.
Isamaya: So why don't you call Cross country, Cross country?
Mike: I'm sorry, don't know what that word means.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Isamaya has come home and is looking through a load of junk in the front room. She comes across her old BMX stunt bike she got when she was 10.
She tries to wheel it outside when she is confronted by Mike.
Mike: What do you think you're doing?
Isamaya: Look what I found!
Mike: You didn't find it. I've been guarding it.
Isamaya: Oh right. thanks. Well, I'm going to sell it, i recon i could get at least a hundred for it.
Mike: No you're not.
Isamaya: What?
Mike: You cant just take other peoples property and pawn it.
Isamaya: Er.. But it's my bike?
Mike: Who gave it to you.
Isamaya: You as a birthday present,
Mike: Quite.
Isamaya thinks about this.
Isamaya: So... What are you going to do with it?
Mike: I might like to ride it.
She tries to wheel it outside when she is confronted by Mike.
Mike: What do you think you're doing?
Isamaya: Look what I found!
Mike: You didn't find it. I've been guarding it.
Isamaya: Oh right. thanks. Well, I'm going to sell it, i recon i could get at least a hundred for it.
Mike: No you're not.
Isamaya: What?
Mike: You cant just take other peoples property and pawn it.
Isamaya: Er.. But it's my bike?
Mike: Who gave it to you.
Isamaya: You as a birthday present,
Mike: Quite.
Isamaya thinks about this.
Isamaya: So... What are you going to do with it?
Mike: I might like to ride it.
Saturday, 31 January 2009
Isamaya and Angela are having a cup of tea in town.
Isamaya rings Eloise.
Isamaya: Hi, how are you?
Eloise: Oh hi! I'm actually at your house right now.
Isamaya: Really? I'm just having a cup of tea with mum in town- we wondered if you wanted to join us cos we'll be here for around an hour and a half..
Eloise: Well, Mikes just given me a cup of tea and wants to show me some things on his computer so.. I think I'll just have this and then go home cos I've got lots of work to do.
Isamaya and Angela stay for another three hours in town before heading home. As they turn into Mill Road, Isamaya sees Eloise cycling towards them.
Isamaya: Hi? what are you doing here. Have you just had a piano lesson up the road?
Eloise: No. I've just come from yours.
Isamaya: I thought you were going home 3 hours ago?
Eloise: Well, Mike wanted to have a look at my mobile. And he was kind enough to give me a tutorial on how to use it.
Isamaya: But you've had your phone for over 6 months?
Eloise: I know but he wanted to give me a printout of its manual and go through the spec.
Eloise pulls out a bulky A4 envelope.
When Isamaya and Angela get home, Isamaya finds Mike on the computer.
Isamaya: SO... Did you have a nice chat with Eloise?
Mike: Yes. She wanted me to have a look at her phone.
Isamaya: I see. How long was she here for?
Mike: I don't know. 15, 20 minutes or so?
Isamaya rings Eloise.
Isamaya: Hi, how are you?
Eloise: Oh hi! I'm actually at your house right now.
Isamaya: Really? I'm just having a cup of tea with mum in town- we wondered if you wanted to join us cos we'll be here for around an hour and a half..
Eloise: Well, Mikes just given me a cup of tea and wants to show me some things on his computer so.. I think I'll just have this and then go home cos I've got lots of work to do.
Isamaya and Angela stay for another three hours in town before heading home. As they turn into Mill Road, Isamaya sees Eloise cycling towards them.
Isamaya: Hi? what are you doing here. Have you just had a piano lesson up the road?
Eloise: No. I've just come from yours.
Isamaya: I thought you were going home 3 hours ago?
Eloise: Well, Mike wanted to have a look at my mobile. And he was kind enough to give me a tutorial on how to use it.
Isamaya: But you've had your phone for over 6 months?
Eloise: I know but he wanted to give me a printout of its manual and go through the spec.
Eloise pulls out a bulky A4 envelope.
When Isamaya and Angela get home, Isamaya finds Mike on the computer.
Isamaya: SO... Did you have a nice chat with Eloise?
Mike: Yes. She wanted me to have a look at her phone.
Isamaya: I see. How long was she here for?
Mike: I don't know. 15, 20 minutes or so?
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Isamaya is standing in the kitchen buttering some bread.
Isamaya: Mum, thank you so much for buying salted butter!
Angela: What do you mean? I always do.
Isamaya: Yeh, but Kerstyn buys unsalted and it's really irritating.
Angela: Oh?
Mike: Yes Ange. Kerstyn has the same hang ups about salt as Isamaya does about fat.
Isamaya: Mum, thank you so much for buying salted butter!
Angela: What do you mean? I always do.
Isamaya: Yeh, but Kerstyn buys unsalted and it's really irritating.
Angela: Oh?
Mike: Yes Ange. Kerstyn has the same hang ups about salt as Isamaya does about fat.
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Isamaya receives an email from Mike.
27/08/2008
From: Mike
Subject: Some light reading for you.
/ .- .-.. .-.. / -.-. .... .- -. --. . / .... . .-. . / -- ..- -- / - --- / -... .. .-. -- .. -. --. .... .- -- / - --- -. .. --. .... - / .- -. -.. / -.- . .-. ... - / .- -. -.. / ... .--. .-. --- --. ... / .... . .-. . / - .... . / --- -. . / - .... .. -. --. / .. / -. . ...- . .-. / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / ... --- .-. - . -.. / .-- .- ... / -. ..- -- -... . .-. ... / .. ...- . / --. --- - / .- / -- --- .-. ... . / .- ..- -.. .. --- / - .-. .- .. -. . .-. / ... --- -- . .-- .... . .-. . / .. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / .- / .-.. --- --- -.- / .-.. .- - . .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / -.-. .... .- -. --. . / .... . .-. . / -- ..- -- / - --- / -... .. .-. -- .. -. --. .... .- -- / - --- -. .. --. .... - / .- -. -.. / -.- . .-. ... - / .- -. -.. / ... .--. .-. --- --. ... / .... . .-. . / - .... . / --- -. . / - .... .. -. --. / .. / -. . ...- . .-. / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / ... --- .-. - . -.. / .-- .- ... / -. ..- -- -... . .-. ... / .. ...- . / --. --- - / .- / -- --- .-. ... . / .- ..- -.. .. --- / - .-. .- .. -. . .-. / ... --- -- . .-- .... . .-. . / .. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / .- / .-.. --- --- -.- / .-.. .- - . .-. /
27/08/2008
From: Mike
Subject: Some light reading for you.
/ .- .-.. .-.. / -.-. .... .- -. --. . / .... . .-. . / -- ..- -- / - --- / -... .. .-. -- .. -. --. .... .- -- / - --- -. .. --. .... - / .- -. -.. / -.- . .-. ... - / .- -. -.. / ... .--. .-. --- --. ... / .... . .-. . / - .... . / --- -. . / - .... .. -. --. / .. / -. . ...- . .-. / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / ... --- .-. - . -.. / .-- .- ... / -. ..- -- -... . .-. ... / .. ...- . / --. --- - / .- / -- --- .-. ... . / .- ..- -.. .. --- / - .-. .- .. -. . .-. / ... --- -- . .-- .... . .-. . / .. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / .- / .-.. --- --- -.- / .-.. .- - . .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / -.-. .... .- -. --. . / .... . .-. . / -- ..- -- / - --- / -... .. .-. -- .. -. --. .... .- -- / - --- -. .. --. .... - / .- -. -.. / -.- . .-. ... - / .- -. -.. / ... .--. .-. --- --. ... / .... . .-. . / - .... . / --- -. . / - .... .. -. --. / .. / -. . ...- . .-. / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / ... --- .-. - . -.. / .-- .- ... / -. ..- -- -... . .-. ... / .. ...- . / --. --- - / .- / -- --- .-. ... . / .- ..- -.. .. --- / - .-. .- .. -. . .-. / ... --- -- . .-- .... . .-. . / .. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / .- / .-.. --- --- -.- / .-.. .- - . .-. /
Monday, 12 January 2009
It is valentines day and Kerstyn has received a letter.
She takes it upstairs to open it.
Inside is a valentines card with a question mark and a pair of dice. On one dice, numbers are replaced by body parts such as neck, lips, back etc. On the other dice, numbers are replaced by actions such as lick, smell, kiss etc.
Where the dice reads 'sex' it has been crossed out and replaced by 'maths'.
She takes it upstairs to open it.
Inside is a valentines card with a question mark and a pair of dice. On one dice, numbers are replaced by body parts such as neck, lips, back etc. On the other dice, numbers are replaced by actions such as lick, smell, kiss etc.
Where the dice reads 'sex' it has been crossed out and replaced by 'maths'.
Saturday, 10 January 2009
Isamaya has just come home and her parents are out.
She is trying to get into her parents bedroom to borrow her mums belt.
The door is locked so she rings Mike
Mike: Yes?
Isamaya: Hi dad, i'm just at home and cant get into your room
Mike: Yes?
Isamaya: Could you let me know where the keys are please?
Mike: Oh Isamaya!
Isamaya: Please dad.. I need a belt.
Mike: This is becoming extremely irritating.
Isamaya: Yes.
Mike: They're in the same place as before.
Isamaya: What? under the stairs?
Mike: Keep your voice down!
Isamaya: Dad, theres no one here?
Mike: Practicing a bit of discretion never hurt anyone.
Isamaya: Thanks Dad
Mike Puts the phone down and Isamaya goes to the stairs to find the key.
She unlocks the bedroom door only to realise he has removed the door handle.
She is trying to get into her parents bedroom to borrow her mums belt.
The door is locked so she rings Mike
Mike: Yes?
Isamaya: Hi dad, i'm just at home and cant get into your room
Mike: Yes?
Isamaya: Could you let me know where the keys are please?
Mike: Oh Isamaya!
Isamaya: Please dad.. I need a belt.
Mike: This is becoming extremely irritating.
Isamaya: Yes.
Mike: They're in the same place as before.
Isamaya: What? under the stairs?
Mike: Keep your voice down!
Isamaya: Dad, theres no one here?
Mike: Practicing a bit of discretion never hurt anyone.
Isamaya: Thanks Dad
Mike Puts the phone down and Isamaya goes to the stairs to find the key.
She unlocks the bedroom door only to realise he has removed the door handle.
Friday, 9 January 2009
Joe and Isamaya are getting ready to go to a formal new years eve party at Pembroke college in Cambridge. It is -2oC outside and Joe doesn't have a jacket.
Isamaya: Dad, do we have a spare jacket that Joe can borrow tonight?
Mike: It depends.
Isamaya: It depends on what?
Mike: If he'll give it back.
Joe: I'll give it back Mike.
Mike: Very well.
Joe goes to the toilet and Mike goes to find a jacket.
Mike comes back with a filthy dark purple and green anorak.
He begins frantically pulling hundreds of plastic bags and receipts from the pockets.
Isamaya: How many plastic bags do you need?
Mike: Mind your own business.
Joe comes back into the room and tries on the jacket.
Isamaya: Dad! this jacket is filthy! It makes him look like tube driver.
Mike: I think it's rather flattering.
Isamaya: It's absolutely massive. It comes below his knees.
After much consideration Mike relents.
Mike: Ok. He can wear my Drizerbone.
Joe: Er.. Whats a Drizerbone.
Isamaya: Basically a waxed cape.
Joe: Cool.
Mike: It's on the back of the banister.
Joe goes to try it on the jacket.
Joe: Yeh. I'm basically Zoro but thats better than working on the Bakerloo line.
Isamaya and Joe set off to the party.
Joe: Er Isamaya..?
Isamaya: What?
Joe: Why are there hundreds of plastic bags tied in tight knotts in the pockets? and what are these? Hundreds of reciepts!
Isamaya: Oh jesus. He's probably sitting there anxiously at home now that he's realised he didn't get to the Drizerbone pockets in time.
When they get home Isamaya relays the story to Angela.
Isamaya: He's so stingey mum! why couldn't he have given Joe any of his other hundreds of jackets? Why did he give Joe his Drizerbone?
Angela: He didn't give Joe his Drizerbone.
Isamaya: Yes he did.
Angela: No. He gave him mine.
Isamaya: Dad, do we have a spare jacket that Joe can borrow tonight?
Mike: It depends.
Isamaya: It depends on what?
Mike: If he'll give it back.
Joe: I'll give it back Mike.
Mike: Very well.
Joe goes to the toilet and Mike goes to find a jacket.
Mike comes back with a filthy dark purple and green anorak.
He begins frantically pulling hundreds of plastic bags and receipts from the pockets.
Isamaya: How many plastic bags do you need?
Mike: Mind your own business.
Joe comes back into the room and tries on the jacket.
Isamaya: Dad! this jacket is filthy! It makes him look like tube driver.
Mike: I think it's rather flattering.
Isamaya: It's absolutely massive. It comes below his knees.
After much consideration Mike relents.
Mike: Ok. He can wear my Drizerbone.
Joe: Er.. Whats a Drizerbone.
Isamaya: Basically a waxed cape.
Joe: Cool.
Mike: It's on the back of the banister.
Joe goes to try it on the jacket.
Joe: Yeh. I'm basically Zoro but thats better than working on the Bakerloo line.
Isamaya and Joe set off to the party.
Joe: Er Isamaya..?
Isamaya: What?
Joe: Why are there hundreds of plastic bags tied in tight knotts in the pockets? and what are these? Hundreds of reciepts!
Isamaya: Oh jesus. He's probably sitting there anxiously at home now that he's realised he didn't get to the Drizerbone pockets in time.
When they get home Isamaya relays the story to Angela.
Isamaya: He's so stingey mum! why couldn't he have given Joe any of his other hundreds of jackets? Why did he give Joe his Drizerbone?
Angela: He didn't give Joe his Drizerbone.
Isamaya: Yes he did.
Angela: No. He gave him mine.
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Mike and Isamaya are sitting in the car in a traffic jam.
A woman in tight trousers walks past.
Isamaya: Dad!
Mike: What?
Isamaya: I saw that.
Mike: Saw what?
Isamaya: You perving on that woman's arse.
Mike: Don't be ridiculous.
Isamaya: I watched you check her out in the rear view mirror.
Mike: Oh Isamaya! I wasn't perving. I'm just interested in people. The fact she was wearing leggings is irrelevant.
A woman in tight trousers walks past.
Isamaya: Dad!
Mike: What?
Isamaya: I saw that.
Mike: Saw what?
Isamaya: You perving on that woman's arse.
Mike: Don't be ridiculous.
Isamaya: I watched you check her out in the rear view mirror.
Mike: Oh Isamaya! I wasn't perving. I'm just interested in people. The fact she was wearing leggings is irrelevant.
Friday, 2 January 2009
Isamaya has just come home for the weekend and is standing in the kitchen making breakfast. Mike has just had a bowl of muesli and is unloading the dishwasher.
Mike: Oh Isamaya!
Isamaya: Yes?
Mike comes over holding the dishwasher filter. It has a small black stone in it and a piece of chicken skin.
Mike: I have told YOU so many times to rinse your plates before putting them in the dishwasher and look what i've found! An olive pip!
Isamaya: Dad, I haven't eaten any olives.. I've only just come home.
Mike: Well what about this chicken skin?
Isamaya: I'm vegetarian.
Mike: ANGE!
Angela: What Mike.
Mike: I've told YOU so many times to rinse the plates before putting them in the dishwasher and look! An olive pip!
Angela: Mike.. Thats a raisin.
Mike: Oh. Appologies all.
Mike: Oh Isamaya!
Isamaya: Yes?
Mike comes over holding the dishwasher filter. It has a small black stone in it and a piece of chicken skin.
Mike: I have told YOU so many times to rinse your plates before putting them in the dishwasher and look what i've found! An olive pip!
Isamaya: Dad, I haven't eaten any olives.. I've only just come home.
Mike: Well what about this chicken skin?
Isamaya: I'm vegetarian.
Mike: ANGE!
Angela: What Mike.
Mike: I've told YOU so many times to rinse the plates before putting them in the dishwasher and look! An olive pip!
Angela: Mike.. Thats a raisin.
Mike: Oh. Appologies all.
Friday, 19 December 2008
Isamaya has come home for the christmas holidays and has left her keys in London.
Isamaya: Dad, can i borrow the spare key again please cos i've forgotten mine.
Mike: And which spare key would that be?
Isamaya: You know, the key you gave me last time i came home and the time before that?
Mike: I think your assuming things Isamaya.
Isamaya: Dad, you've got 3 spare keys for the front door?
Mike: I don't know of any 'spare key'. I only know of my personal keys.
Isamaya: Well... could i please use one of your 'personal keys'
Isamaya: Dad, can i borrow the spare key again please cos i've forgotten mine.
Mike: And which spare key would that be?
Isamaya: You know, the key you gave me last time i came home and the time before that?
Mike: I think your assuming things Isamaya.
Isamaya: Dad, you've got 3 spare keys for the front door?
Mike: I don't know of any 'spare key'. I only know of my personal keys.
Isamaya: Well... could i please use one of your 'personal keys'
Sunday, 14 December 2008
Isamaya walks into the dining room to find Mike on the computer looking at shower heads on amazon.
Isamaya: Look. Can i just say something without you interrupting me or butting in?
Mike: It depends what it is.
Isamaya: Well as i am aware, you are in control of what goes on in the kitchen. You do all the cooking and shopping and mum has had little say in the matter for the past two years.
I'm 99% sure that you will either ignore what i have to say as you are too proud, or, most likely will be dismissive of my opinions as you will just think i am 'interfering' so let me try and say this in as short amount of words as possible.
Mike: Yes what..?
Isamaya: Stop force feeding mum cos she's getting fat.
Isamaya: Look. Can i just say something without you interrupting me or butting in?
Mike: It depends what it is.
Isamaya: Well as i am aware, you are in control of what goes on in the kitchen. You do all the cooking and shopping and mum has had little say in the matter for the past two years.
I'm 99% sure that you will either ignore what i have to say as you are too proud, or, most likely will be dismissive of my opinions as you will just think i am 'interfering' so let me try and say this in as short amount of words as possible.
Mike: Yes what..?
Isamaya: Stop force feeding mum cos she's getting fat.
Friday, 12 December 2008
Isamaya is in the shower. Mike suddenly runs in holding the telephone and rips open the shower curtain.
Isamaya: Dad!
Mike: Wiz, it's David from Bodywork dance studios on the phone
Isamaya: Yeh, and i'm in the shower. Get out!
Mike: Well what shall i tell him? can you talk now?
Isamaya: Obviously not! Go away.
Isamaya shoves the curtain shut
Mike: Hallo David, she's being awkward just now, can she call you back?
Isamaya: Dad!
Mike: Wiz, it's David from Bodywork dance studios on the phone
Isamaya: Yeh, and i'm in the shower. Get out!
Mike: Well what shall i tell him? can you talk now?
Isamaya: Obviously not! Go away.
Isamaya shoves the curtain shut
Mike: Hallo David, she's being awkward just now, can she call you back?
Isamaya is on the phone to mike, he is installing software on her computer back at home.
Isamaya: So are there any adobe programmes like illustrator or photoshop?
Mike: No not yet but i've installed lots of other useful programmes for you.
Isamaya: Oh great, thanks. Like what?
Mike: I've just downloaded 'Morse Code for Beginners'
Isamaya: So are there any adobe programmes like illustrator or photoshop?
Mike: No not yet but i've installed lots of other useful programmes for you.
Isamaya: Oh great, thanks. Like what?
Mike: I've just downloaded 'Morse Code for Beginners'
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Isamaya and Joe are walking home. They are very good friends and Joe has a long term girlfriend. Joe is going to stay the night at Isamaya's house. Isamaya has just rung home to tell Mike and Angela that he is staying round and they can sleep top to tail.
When they arrive home there is havoc in Isamaya's bedroom. Angela and Mike are frantically trying to find pillows, duvets, sleeping bags and make up a bed on him on the floor.
Isamaya: What the hell is going on! Get out of my room!
Joe: Hi Mike, Hi Angela
(Angela smiles at Joe but Mike does not acknowledge his greeting)
Mike: Look, Uncle Tim's staying round tonight so Joe cant sleep on the sofa.
Isamaya: Er I know, and i said he was going to sleep at the other end of my bed on the phone.
Mike: Look just be helpful will you and get some more pillows.
Isamaya: Dad! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
Mike: Isamaya. Stop it and stop getting in everyones way will you
Isamaya: Dad. WE can sort out sleeping arrangements, look at the mess in my room. What the hell have you been doing in here? Just get out.
(Angela storms out of the room shouting 'You're just being bloody rude to your father and I')
(Joe is sitting on the bed looking a little bit perplexed)
Joe:... I could just go home if its easier?
Isamaya: No! stay right there. For gods sake Dad- I cannot believe this. You have never EVER made a bed for Eloise, Ellie or Arijana?
(Mike continues to run around frantically throwing pillows and blankets together on the floor)
Isamaya: GET OUT. We can do this. I am not gong to HAVE SEX WITH JOE!
Mike: Who ever said anything about having sex?
Isamaya: Then why are you making another bed?
Mike: Because i'm a solicitous individual.
Isamaya: Then why didn't you even say 'Hello' to Joe
Mike: Hello Joe.
When they arrive home there is havoc in Isamaya's bedroom. Angela and Mike are frantically trying to find pillows, duvets, sleeping bags and make up a bed on him on the floor.
Isamaya: What the hell is going on! Get out of my room!
Joe: Hi Mike, Hi Angela
(Angela smiles at Joe but Mike does not acknowledge his greeting)
Mike: Look, Uncle Tim's staying round tonight so Joe cant sleep on the sofa.
Isamaya: Er I know, and i said he was going to sleep at the other end of my bed on the phone.
Mike: Look just be helpful will you and get some more pillows.
Isamaya: Dad! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
Mike: Isamaya. Stop it and stop getting in everyones way will you
Isamaya: Dad. WE can sort out sleeping arrangements, look at the mess in my room. What the hell have you been doing in here? Just get out.
(Angela storms out of the room shouting 'You're just being bloody rude to your father and I')
(Joe is sitting on the bed looking a little bit perplexed)
Joe:... I could just go home if its easier?
Isamaya: No! stay right there. For gods sake Dad- I cannot believe this. You have never EVER made a bed for Eloise, Ellie or Arijana?
(Mike continues to run around frantically throwing pillows and blankets together on the floor)
Isamaya: GET OUT. We can do this. I am not gong to HAVE SEX WITH JOE!
Mike: Who ever said anything about having sex?
Isamaya: Then why are you making another bed?
Mike: Because i'm a solicitous individual.
Isamaya: Then why didn't you even say 'Hello' to Joe
Mike: Hello Joe.
Kerstyn has just spent the weekend in Cambridge. She is telling Isamaya about a conversation she had with Mike.
(Kerstyn is in the Kitchen trying to make Enego some lunch. Mike comes in to see what she is doing)
What are you doing?Just trying to find something for Enego's lunch. Do you have any cheese?
Oh look, mind out, yes i'll look in the fridge...
Oh where is it...Its over there, behind the gherkins.
No no, i'm looking for something else. Some garlic erm.. What are they called..?Garlic bread?
No! No, oh where are they- i bet Isamaya's bloody well eaten them hasn't she.What are you talking about? She's in London?
Oh where are they. Garlic whatdyoumacallits.(Kerstyn stands back as Mike is becoming a little frantic)
Ah Ha! Here they are.Garlic sausages?!
Dad, Isamaya is vegetarian hasn't eaten meat for over 6 months.
Oh, yes but she always nibbles at everything and just has a little bit.Of meat?
(Kerstyn is in the Kitchen trying to make Enego some lunch. Mike comes in to see what she is doing)
What are you doing?Just trying to find something for Enego's lunch. Do you have any cheese?
Oh look, mind out, yes i'll look in the fridge...
Oh where is it...Its over there, behind the gherkins.
No no, i'm looking for something else. Some garlic erm.. What are they called..?Garlic bread?
No! No, oh where are they- i bet Isamaya's bloody well eaten them hasn't she.What are you talking about? She's in London?
Oh where are they. Garlic whatdyoumacallits.(Kerstyn stands back as Mike is becoming a little frantic)
Ah Ha! Here they are.Garlic sausages?!
Dad, Isamaya is vegetarian hasn't eaten meat for over 6 months.
Oh, yes but she always nibbles at everything and just has a little bit.Of meat?
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Mike and Angela have gone to the Peak district and have left Isamaya at home. She has wet hair and needs a hairdryer but finds that her parents bedroom is locked.
She telephones mike.
Yes, what?
Hi dad. could you please tell me where the key to your bedroom is
Why?
Because i have soaking wet hair and need to use mums hairdryer
Look! this is unacceptable Isamaya. I like to be able to lock my house securely when I go away.
Dad but i'll be here..
No, you'll never find it. It's far to hard to explain.
Please dad, for goodness sake! all i want is the hairdryer.
In your room, under the piano is a fan heater for heating the room. Use that.
Are you actually being serious?
Yes.
Dad, i cant use a fan heater to dry my hair. Do you know how heavy that thing is?
Oh Isamaya... but you'll never find it. Its in a very awkward place.
Please Dad. Please.
Its underneath the carpet on the 3rd stair.
She telephones mike.
Yes, what?
Hi dad. could you please tell me where the key to your bedroom is
Why?
Because i have soaking wet hair and need to use mums hairdryer
Look! this is unacceptable Isamaya. I like to be able to lock my house securely when I go away.
Dad but i'll be here..
No, you'll never find it. It's far to hard to explain.
Please dad, for goodness sake! all i want is the hairdryer.
In your room, under the piano is a fan heater for heating the room. Use that.
Are you actually being serious?
Yes.
Dad, i cant use a fan heater to dry my hair. Do you know how heavy that thing is?
Oh Isamaya... but you'll never find it. Its in a very awkward place.
Please Dad. Please.
Its underneath the carpet on the 3rd stair.
Isamaya comes downstairs to be confronted by Mike who had been watching her make lunch earlier.
You don't know where the can of tuna has gone do you?
Er yes why?
Well it's disappeared. you wouldn't know its whereabouts would you?
I ate it earlier.
Yes. And you didn't replace it.
What?
You just take things without asking! How was i supposed to know we had run out of tuna. what if i wanted to use it to make tuna mayonaise? Just take take take isn't it.
Dad you watched me make lunch and i bought milk and eggs and bread yesterday. Are you joking?
No i am not! That is not the point. We have not yet run out of milk and eggs. I expect you to tell me when you eat something because then i can make a note of it.
Mike is on the computer looking at mobile phone reviews.
Dad?
What?
I've just had a slice of toast.
Oh.
And some Broccoli.
What?
And 3 tomatoes.
And 1/4 packet of lettuce.
And 2 brazil nuts.
And some balsamic vinegar
And 3 olives
And a potato.
And a piece of tobelerone.
And a yogurt.
And an apple.
Are you finished Isamaya.
No i also had milk in my tea.
Go away.
You don't know where the can of tuna has gone do you?
Er yes why?
Well it's disappeared. you wouldn't know its whereabouts would you?
I ate it earlier.
Yes. And you didn't replace it.
What?
You just take things without asking! How was i supposed to know we had run out of tuna. what if i wanted to use it to make tuna mayonaise? Just take take take isn't it.
Dad you watched me make lunch and i bought milk and eggs and bread yesterday. Are you joking?
No i am not! That is not the point. We have not yet run out of milk and eggs. I expect you to tell me when you eat something because then i can make a note of it.
Mike is on the computer looking at mobile phone reviews.
Dad?
What?
I've just had a slice of toast.
Oh.
And some Broccoli.
What?
And 3 tomatoes.
And 1/4 packet of lettuce.
And 2 brazil nuts.
And some balsamic vinegar
And 3 olives
And a potato.
And a piece of tobelerone.
And a yogurt.
And an apple.
Are you finished Isamaya.
No i also had milk in my tea.
Go away.
Monday, 8 December 2008
Next door, the neighbours are having a loft conversion. A surveyor knocks on the door and asks if he can asses the attic to make sure it is safe.
With much argument and reluctance, Mike eventually lets the surveyor in.
The builder opens the Attic door and hundreds of empty milk bottles fall out and onto his head.
Mike: Oh bloody hell.
Builder: Jesus christ! What on earth is all rubbish!
Mike: 'this rubbish' is our thermal insulation.
With much argument and reluctance, Mike eventually lets the surveyor in.
The builder opens the Attic door and hundreds of empty milk bottles fall out and onto his head.
Mike: Oh bloody hell.
Builder: Jesus christ! What on earth is all rubbish!
Mike: 'this rubbish' is our thermal insulation.
Sunday, 7 December 2008
There is a huge crashing outside and Mike runs out to find Angela with an axe in her hand hacking at the boat in the garden
'What do you think you are doing!'
'I'm bloody sick of this piece of crap rotting away in our back garden.'
'Look just calm down Ange. Stop being silly.'
She continues to hack aggressively at the rotting wood
'Keep Back! I'm not finished. just bugger off will you.'
'Alright, alright.. Just keep the bearings though will you? I might build a boat.'
'What do you think you are doing!'
'I'm bloody sick of this piece of crap rotting away in our back garden.'
'Look just calm down Ange. Stop being silly.'
She continues to hack aggressively at the rotting wood
'Keep Back! I'm not finished. just bugger off will you.'
'Alright, alright.. Just keep the bearings though will you? I might build a boat.'
Angela and Isamaya are sitting on the sofa watching TV and chatting about women. Mike is sitting on the opposite side of the room on his laptop. Dolly Parton comes on TV.
Isamaya: See, their the kind of tits dad likes. Massive ones like hers. Nigella Lawson types.
Mum: No. You'd be surprised, i think he prefers the flat chested type like Audrey Hepburn. You know, waifish and feminine.
Isamaya: Really?
Mum: Yes. I'm quite sure.
Mike: (without looking up from his computer) Actually I prefer the muscular type. German women are ideal
Isamaya: See, their the kind of tits dad likes. Massive ones like hers. Nigella Lawson types.
Mum: No. You'd be surprised, i think he prefers the flat chested type like Audrey Hepburn. You know, waifish and feminine.
Isamaya: Really?
Mum: Yes. I'm quite sure.
Mike: (without looking up from his computer) Actually I prefer the muscular type. German women are ideal
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